22 weeks

22+ weeks and I wish I could tell you the nausea was gone. I've had lots of really good days but I still need medicine about every other day to remain functional. If I go too long without medication then I get "behind" the nausea and it takes days to catch up again.  It's frustrating and exhausting. I'm far enough into my second trimester that I should feel good, right? I remind myself often that I'm more than halfway there and that I am improving. All things being equal though, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  Having a 6.5 and 4 year old it is absolutely remarkable how I just cope with feeling awful and continue on with life. They have places to be and things to do. They don't care that all I want to do is lay down and watch bad TV until I finally feel human again. So I just ignore it, take the medicine and carry on.

When I do manage to eat a decent meal the baby gets super excited. I can really feel him moving around and it's so fun to feel the movements. I get excited then tell the husband to put his hands on my stomach so he can feel the baby but I guess the baby gets stage fright because as soon as anyone touches me he freezes up. For now it's just between the baby and me... one of the special things about being pregnant.

We are starting to talk about changes we will make around the house to make room for the baby. Moving furniture and so forth. Today I bought a few sweet decorations for his room and fabric to make his baby blanket. We won't actually move stuff around until January but there's nothing wrong with collecting a few things along the way. It helps me feel closer to him. I'm also hoping to start knitting some baby hats and a sleep sack or two. I'm a very very novice knitter but I love the feeling of knitting so it's a hobby I really hope to develop skill in.

Doctor's appointment scheduled for this week. Nothing eventful. Just a regular old check up. I can already tell you what will happen. I'll pee in a cup. Nurse weighs me and takes my blood pressure. She'll ask if I'm feeling the baby move, if I'm having headaches or swelling and ask if I'm taking any medications. Then we'll go to the room. She'll listen to the baby's heartbeat on doppler. Then I wait for the doctor to come in, doctor measures my stomach asks if I have any questions and that's it. If they're having a supper efficient day I can be in and out in 15 minutes. After this appointment I'll have another in 4 weeks and then likely be on the every 2 week schedule after that.

I guess not having a big report is good news. What we all want are uneventful pregnancies. So far, so boring. For that I'm truly grateful!

17+ weeks and all is well

I haven't updated much because, frankly, there isn't much to update around here.  I guess this is what it's like to have a normal pregnancy. I've even been checking my blood sugar in an attempt to identify any early gestational diabetes and if I keep my refined carbs to a minimum then my sugars are better than they've ever been.  I had two bowls of chili for dinner (including a handful of Fritos.  You can take the girl out of  Texas...)  and 30 minutes later I was already at 122.  I just need to be under 120 at an hour.

I've been able to continue my exercise habit which is awesome.  Spinning is what keeps me sane.  I'm already trying to figure out if I'll be able to spin and wear a baby at the same time.  I'm pretty sure I can swing it.

Today has been, perhaps, one of the top five days of the pregnancy so far.  No medications needed.  No throwing up.  I feel fantastic.  It's been so strange to not spend every minute of every day obsessing about the pregnancy.  There's just no time.  Some days I even forget I'm pregnant.  I suppose it stems from this whole pregnancy being such a surprise.  I'm skeptical that I'll be holding a newborn in just under six months.  Even hearing the heartbeat whenever I want (about every other day or so we check in) it's like I just can't believe it's happening and that I feel like human being and that I'm not hooked up to IVs for hydration and laying on the couch watching TV the whole time.

And that's all there is from my world right now.  A fairly normal daily life.  I've felt the baby a couple of times - but nothing with any regularity.  I can honestly say that this is the first pregnancy where I can understand when people say that pregnancy isn't an illness.  Yep - when you're having a normal pregnancy it sure isn't.  It's actually sort of awesome.

A day in the life of "morning" sickness

Wake up – open your eyes.

Assess stomach

Feel a veil of nausea floating on top.

Get up and pee.

Feel the gaggy part of your throat do its thing.

Take a zoforan.

Get on facebook.

Consider posting a status about how everything in the world makes you want to throw up.

Remember you're not facebook official with the baby yet.

Stifle a gag.

Smell husband's coffee/egg/bacon/breakfast cooking.

Go to a zen place because if you puke up the zoforan you won't be able to take more because you won't have any idea how much absorbed in the first place.

Lay back down

Realize that moving in any way is a bad idea

Realize that someone has to take care of your kids.

Get up.

Put on same clothes as yesterday.

Contemplate whether it's time to switch to maternity stuff as pants are digging in at the bellybutton.

Opt instead for a long skirt that can go all the way up to your bra.

Make bed.

Realize that bending over is a bad idea.

Run to the toilet and throw up.

Brush teeth.

Brush hair.

Vow to grow hair out so that a ponytail becomes an option.

Do not make eye contact with the toilet. Simply seeing the toilet will bring on more vomiting.

Note that the room smells of “toilet”

Run to the kids rooms to make beds.

Face the fact that now you have to go downstairs and be mom as dad is out the door in 10 minutes.

Turn on a movie for the kids and lay on the couch.

Feel obligated to do something.
Hop in the shower.
Lean out of the shower to throw up into the toilet.
Finish shower.

Start a load of laundry.

Realize the house smells like breakfast and you can't take it. Get the kids in the car and make a run for it. End up at Target. Walk around for five minutes and realize this is a colossal mistake.

Get the heck out of Target, drive through Chick-fil-a for lunch for the kids.

Get home and sip lemonade.

Stomach growls.

Eat a couple of the kids' chicken nuggets.
Note with delight that the nuggets stay down.'
Nuggets settle in stomach.
Wish you were dead.
Lay down on couch.
Sip more lemonade.
Stomach calms down.
Stomach growls.
Do not fall for that again.
Get off the couch.

Feel safe enough to clean the breakfast dishes. 
Get busy around the house, switch the laundry, turn off the TV, read with the kids, color with the kids, feel human.

Boldly eat an apple.

Whimper on the couch while the kids watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates for the next hour.

Realize that it's dinner time and you're the only one tall enough to operate the stove.

Make rice because it doesn't smell.

Make chicken in the oven to avoid the smell. Try to remember to season it.
Close your eyes the whole time you're handling the chicken.
There are smells everywhere.
Go to your zen place.

Open a can of green beans and cook them.

Wipe tears from your eyes when husband comes home. Throw food on plates and run to your room for some more medicine.

Lay on your bed very still in hopes that not moving will both make the medication take effect faster and keep the medicine in your stomach rather than toilet.

Hear everyone having fun downstairs and feel like a loser.
Get on Facebook and see everyone having great evenings with their families.
Get on Pinterest and realize that you are the world's worst mom.
Pin desert recipes.
Pin cute outfit ideas that you will never fit into again.
Pounding of kids coming up the stairs.

Breathe a huge sigh of relief when husband gets the kids ready for bed.
Read stories to the kids.
Kiss the kids.

Notice the medicine taking effect and make some toast and quickly eat it.

Collapse in bed at 8:15.

Tomorrow is another day.

Third Time's a Charm

This pregnancy has been very different for me, symptom-wise, from my first two.  With both of my first pregnancies, I was lucky to avoid nausea and morning sickness (don't hate me, please), and general discomfort for the first trimester.  Around the end of the first trimester/beginning of the second (about 14 weeks) with both babies, I got hormone migraines, which were rough.  With #1, I actually ended up hospitalized due to dehydration because of the migraine.  I was with a very conventional OB practice at that point still (I switched around 28 weeks to a CNM), and I think that led to a lot of those complications.  I also did not yet have a chiropractor in the area that I could visit.  With baby #2, I got the same migraine at about the same point, and I was able to keep it under control with a combination of natural treatments, homeopathy, and chiropractic care.  On the day it was the worst, I was able to drop my daughter off at an amazing friend's house to head to the chiropractor, and then I came home to take a nap, and I slept most of it off.  It certainly takes a village, and I am so lucky to have an amazing one.

This time, I started with constant nausea.  Nothing sounded good.  The thought of any food was horrible.  The only thing I could manage to even think about was french fries (much to my children's delight).  After the nausea subsided around 11 weeks, I had a good week.  Then I got a horrible stomach pain, which lasted almost a week, and again, kept me from eating for almost that whole time.  It could have been stress, as we were moving the next week.  It could have been reintroducing dairy into my diet, after being dairy-free for more than two and half years, due to breastfeeding my dairy-intolerant son.  It could have been all of that or none of it.  But it was a long, rough week.  After that, I had another good week.  Then, around 15 weeks, the hormonal headaches started.  There is nothing quite so unfair as waking up with a headache.  And you know its going to last all day.  And you will go to sleep with it, and wake up with it again the next day.  This time, the headaches have not been so intense, but have lasted longer.  They are, in fact still hanging on.  I usually wake up with one, and I have it for a few hours, until the "morning fog" has lifted from my brain.  And sometimes I go to bed with one.  But most of my daytime hours are without a headache lately, which is good.  I am glad for that.

I am looking forward to the next few weeks, which are usually pretty comfortable for me during pregnancy.  Although, so far, this pregnancy has certainly not followed my past patterns.  We will see if things are different!

Allow myself to introduce.... myself

My turn to introduce myself. My name is Julianna. I'm a stay-at-home-mom to my sons G-dog (6) and the Bear (almost 4). I'm currently 12.5 weeks to my 5th pregnancy and this baby was a total surprise.

The only thing I have ever wanted to be in life was a mom. I had a successful pre-child career and a job I loved but there was never, ever a question in my mind that when kids came into the picture I would step away from the corporate world and stay home with my kids.

The best-laid plans of course, mean nothing. After we got married, my husband and I decided it was time to go off the pill and make our dreams come true. Months came and went and then a worried visit to the gynecologist and we were suddenly in the world of infertility. We were lucky though. My infertility had a definite cause (Prolactinoma) fixable by medication and just five months later we were overjoyed to find out that I was pregnant!

I loved the days of that pregnancy because I was still in the “bubble” where all pregnancies ended in happy babies and miscarriage was just a vague idea. Of course, I say “days” of that pregnancy because I miscarried at 5 weeks 4 days. A chemical pregnancy. We were absolutely devastated. My OB told us to give it a month and try again and that's exactly what we did.

They say you're never more fertile than after a miscarriage and in my case “they” were right. I got pregnant for a second time on our very first try. The pregnancy wasn't easy by any means. I dealt with hyperemesis as well as gestational diabetes and then had an emergency c-section at 37 weeks 0 days when I, quite suddenly, developed HELLP syndrome. While I was not very birth-educated at that point – in my mind a c-section was the worst-possible outcome. I fought the doctors and they allowed me to try an induction but it very nearly cost me my life. After three hours of pushing, a platelet transfusion and a worried conversation between my ob and husband where she told him she wasn't sure I'd survive, I finally consented to a c-section.

Pregnancy number 3 came about a year later. I knew from the very beginning that something was off about this one. After weeks of ultrasounds watching an empty sac grow right on target with the hope that the baby might magically appear, my HcG levels started dropping. When I didn't miscarry on my own I opted for a D&E at 9.5 weeks. It was a very very dark time for us.

Another year later, another positive pregnancy test. More Hyperemesis, more gestational diabetes. My doctors agreed that I was a great VBAC candidate but stipulated that I had till 40 weeks to go into labor because of the gestational diabetes. I tried every trick in the book to kick-start labor. My little bear was not at all interested in coming out. At 39 weeks 6 days I had a repeat c-section.

The bear has been a challenge. He was sick for much of his first year. He still doesn't sleep through the night. I found he was most settled when we adopted more attachment parenting ideas - I think I wore him until he was two! He's been an adventure.

We have tried since the Bear was about a year old to have our third child with absolutely no results. The diagnosis: PCOS. Not surprising but still not fun. We discussed fertility options but I wasn't comfortable going on Clomid (I shy away from anything that screws with my hormones) and neither my husband nor I were prepared for IVF. I came to peace with being a mom of two and was quite happy about it. The bear potty trained when he was two – so we've been out of diapers for more than a year now. I started giving baby clothes and toys away. I moved into what I thought was the next phase of life: the time when you can take your kids to restaurants and just enjoy a dinner. Imagine then, my shock and surprise when I randomly took a pregnancy test the day after my period was due in July and the test came back positive.

I first didn't believe my eyes. It was one of those + or - tests and I thought I was misreading it. I showed my husband, drove to CVS at 7:01 am and bought a digital test. When that little word “pregnant” appeared my whole world changed.

This time is so different. While I'm nauseous all day and not able to eat more than a few bites at a time, I'm not sick all the time. I am, however, exhausted, collapsing into bed by 8:30 most nights. I'm using Crinione progesterone suppositories to support the pregnancy. I've used this before – with both boys. I have prescriptions for Zoforan and Pfinnergin to help with my nausea. I'm able to continue exercising regularly (for the most part).

And while Tracy is looking forward to another home birth, I've already consented to a third c-section. I was so determined to VBAC last time – this time it was a strange relief to just say “I'm fine with a repeat c-section.” It isn't ideal, it isn't natural but it's the path that works best for me and my family here and now. That is what we hope that the blog can illustrate over the next 7ish months. You'll see two moms address pregnancies through very different approaches, both making informed choices, both being responsible mothers. There is no one “right” way to bring a baby into the world and if you're making informed, responsible choices, there isn't a wrong way either. Hopefully our honest dialogue about our joys and struggles will amuse, inform or just ring true with anyone who stumbles across our little corner of the internet.