Crinone Gel. Read at your own risk

I will warn you upfront: This blog contains personal and disgusting information. I'm only blogging about this because when I was frantically googling things I only found one other blogger brave enough to talk about some of the nasty things that happen with this gel. If you're not comfortable with the words vaginal discharge or explicit descriptions of said vaginal discharge– no judgment – but move on now.  Also, Dad, I know you're reading my blog.  This blog is not for you.  Please just close your browser now.

Crinone Gel. A seemingly necessary evil. It's a progesterone gel that is administered vaginally. Which means I insert an applicator directly into the hoo-haa, squeeze out the gel and hope for the best every day  - from the day I find out I'm pregnant until I reach 12 weeks gestation – or 14 weeks of pregnancy. It's used widely in the infertility world and it's also used widely on women who tend to miscarry.  There is conflicting research as to whether this actually does anything.  I can tell you I've been pregnant five times.  My two live births both involved using the gel, my two miscarriages didn't and I wasn't going to take any chances this time around.   Gel it is.  Please note: I do not show any signs of low progesterone. My blood work shows my progesterone levels in the normal range.  I just have a history of multiple miscarriage. Maybe the gel is a placebo. I hope not. It's too nasty to use just to trick your brain into supporting a pregnancy.  Or maybe it's just nasty enough to make my brain support the pregnancy and that's the evil genius. 

So here it is, Crinone gel.

I keep meaning to write the company and suggest a new plunger-style applicator – similar to the applicators used in yeast infection treatments. The current design involves squeezing and hoping that it all goes in. There is almost always a little left the applicator, which the info sheet in the box says is normal. I don't like it. I want it all in there.

I grabbed this image from another blog.  This is the applicator.  You twist off the circle part, insert and squeeze the rectangle part at the other end.

Now, the medicine in the gel is supposedly absorbed in a couple of hours. What's left is the – byproducts? It's the stuff that makes the gel stick to your insides. And, of course, what goes up must come down, right? Your magical vagina is designed to flush out stuff that doesn't belong. And the remnants of the progesterone gel do not belong. So, lucky you, every time you go to the bathroom you'll see little bits of tissue-like balls. And, to make it more fun for those of us using this gel due to multiple miscarriages, the gel will often come out in all sorts of fun colors. Sometimes it's black. Sometimes it's gray. Sometimes it's white as the driven snow. Sometimes it's an alarmingly peachy-nearly pink color. All of this is normal. Disgusting. Concerning. Normal. Now, I will say that I have never ever seen blood red or actual blood pink. If you see gel coming out with red or mixed with spotting please call your OB. Red is not a desired discharge color during pregnancy. Ever.  Don't assume the worst but if you see blood call your OB ASAP.

As if multi-colored discharge isn't gross enough, let's talk about clumps. Yea, that's right, the tissue-like substance builds up in there and sometimes it comes out in giant clumps. I mean like half-a-golf-ball-sized clumps.  That often happens when you poop - I assume it has to do with the pushing motion.  (Note: if you're on Zoforan for your morning sickness the pooping thing may be a distant memory thanks to the lovely constipation side effect).  You can usually feel the clump and take care of it on your own with a quick wipe or two - but it is not going to be the best part of your day.

Honestly, the clumps are not your worst-case scenario. I've read online about girls who went to the ER to have a doctor clean all of that impacted gel out. To prevent that and for general comfort and hygiene, your best bet is to clean yourself out in the shower. Use a finger, dig the bits out to avoid clumps building up. Remember when you thought pregnancy was pretty and dainty? Yea, those days are gone my friend. Clean the clumps out.

Side effects: I really don't have a lot that I know are from the gel (I have plenty of pregnancy side-effects but I have no way of knowing if they are made worse by the gel) beyond insane vaginal dryness. If you're going to have alone time with your sweetie do not expect your lady parts to play along willingly. Apart from the desert-like dryness down south, despite mentally being ready to go there is almost no amount of coaxing that would make me physically ready. Lube is your friend. 

After 12 weeks of the evil but seemingly necessary gel, I'm done. Thank you crinone for supporting me through these three pregnancies. But I won't miss you. Not even for a second.