It's a..... miracle!

The husband & I decided to keep the date of our level II ultrasound quiet.  I'm already struggling under the pressure of "it's a girl, this is your girl, I hope it's a girl, I'm praying for your girl."  The constant comments already put me in a stressed place.  Having my own little secret about when we'd get to look at our baby gave me a little pocket of happy.

So, on the down-low, husband and I went to the OBs office hoping for a clear view of a very healthy baby.



I've had tons of ultrasounds but this one was just amazing.  The baby was bouncing around like crazy at first and then calmed down.  We saw the two hemispheres of a brain.  We saw four clear chambers of a heart.  We saw functioning kidneys.  We saw lungs.  We saw a spine.  We saw bones.  We counted toes for goodness sake!  The baby even yawned while we were watching... the ultrasound tech rewound the yawn over and over.  I couldn't believe that one.

My ultrasound was at 18 weeks 6 days.  The baby is measuring 19 weeks 2 days... so pretty much exactly on schedule... weighs 10 ounces.

And... the baby is clearly a boy!  We had a view so perfect that the ultrasound tech didn't have to say it... both the husband and I called it out.  I was so relieved!  So many people have been telling me that I'd have a girl... but in my heart I felt it was a boy.  I was getting frustrated because I didn't like the idea of being so out of touch with what was going on... and everyone else around me knowing more than me about what was going on inside my own body.

Our tradition is to keep the baby's name private until he's born... and we will continue that tradition with this boy.

So, I'm pretty much half way there.  I'm still totally sick.  Coming off my nausea medicine routine means I will wake up vomiting at about 3 in the morning and it will take two days to get back to "normal."  My OB and I talked quite a bit about it and basically I'm to do what I need to do to remain functional.  I do try and take med breaks at least once a week to see if the all-day misery has passed.  I'm really looking forward to feeling like myself again.  I can be mostly normal with medicine - but there are side-effects that aren't so great and honestly, I'm just tired of the "sick" routine.  Also, I'm just tired.  Where is the 2nd trimester energy??? I need it desperately!

We are starting to talk about how we're going to move furniture around and make house changes to make room for baby 3.  I'm excited about it... but it still all seems so far away.  March is in about a million days and I'll be pregnant for all of them.

First trimester screening

I am the ripe old age of 36 years old.

Old enough to know better.

Old enough to be hit with the label “advanced maternal age” by the OB.

It means nothing beyond a higher statistical risk for all sorts of horrible things to happen.

Since we're taking the “anything different is good” approach to this pregnancy, we've opted to go ahead and do the first trimester screening. We've always opted out of them because we would not abort a baby, no matter the issues. It had been my understanding that we'd catch any anomalies at the 18 week anatomy scan and that the reason they offer those tests in the 1st trimester is for parents who would end the pregnancy based on those fetal complications.

Well, I was all sorts of wrong.

Apparently, when detecting downs, the 18 week anatomy scan is accurate only about 50% of the time.

The screening also looks for all sorts of other genetic issues.

I love my babies as they are.  I don't, though, do surprises.

Insurance pays for the ultrasounds and blood tests.

Today, I had mine.

I wasn't concerned about the state of the pregnancy as I spent the morning vomiting violently.  An odd reassurance, I know.

We saw the heartbeat about 10 seconds after she turned the machine on. I love that little flicker and I love hearing the whoosh woosh woosh. Heart rate was 167 bpm.

On to the anatomy. The baby is curled into a tiny, lime-sized ball but its hands were right at its face. A full hand spread wide, showing 5 fingers. That instantly ruled out one of the trisomies (can't remember which one). Unfortunately the hand blocks any view of the baby's face.

We watched the baby jerk around a lot. Almost like it had hiccups. Apparently it's a startle reflex. The baby has just developed hands and feet, they move but the baby doesn't quite yet realize that it can control those weird moving things. So a hand moves, the baby jumps because it's startled. Absolutely hilarious. The startle thing only lasts a short time before the baby figures out it is, in fact, in charge of moving those limbs.

The ultrasound tech, who was awesome, prodded at my stomach until the baby's hand moved away from its face. Bam, two eyes. Another trisomy ruled out.

Nucal folds measured 1.6 which is apparently normal.

Finally we got to look at the baby's nose which was also seemingly normal.

We'll get more results in the next week or so from the blood test. It's not the blood test that will tell me the gender. I'm trying to work my way into that test.

It was such an absolute pleasure to go into an ultrasound relaxed and get to see the baby in such spectacular detail. Thirty-five glorious minutes of watching this unexpected little miracle squirm around inside me.  No anxiety.  No concern.  I just got to watch the tiny little person move around.  I kept trying to mentally send messages to the baby, like maybe my thoughts would translate to the new placenta and through the new little umbilical cord.  So maybe the baby would feel all of the love and care I was sending. I've had countless ultrasounds throughout the past 7+ years.  This one was the very best.

 The pregnancy, which has been an abstract idea until this point, suddenly feels incredibly real. For once, I don't fear it. All I feel is joy.